I have a lot of thoughts floating around tonight. I am trying to make sense of them, and organize them in a way that they will make sense to anyone else. I am not sure they will, but here it goes!
So much of my life has been filled with learning, and striving to reach a goal. Many of these goals were academic. I worked my way through high school, and then college to get my high school/associates/bachelor's degree. I was constantly working to achieve that next step in life. There was also the learning that came in a non-academic setting, for example, as a missionary in Brazil. For a year and a half I spent all my time striving to learn a new language, a new culture, and ways to share the gospel. I love the feeling of learning, of gaining a deeper understanding for new subjects, of progressing.
Then I graduated.
Suddenly I was in a phase of life that no one had prepared me for. I felt a little lost. I was done with school, I had my first real job. I threw all of my time and energy into my little classroom and teaching because I didn't know where else to put it. My entire life was focused around 1st grade, and it was exhausting. I was always crazy busy, (aren't we all?) but even with all that I was doing, I felt like I stopped progressing. I knew that I was learning a ton every day, but what was I working towards?
Most of all, I began to wonder where Katie-the-Teacher ended, and Katie-the-Person started. I went through a little bit of an identity crisis as I realized I wasn't sure I knew who I really was (sometimes I think that I think too much).
Around January I realized that I was burnt out. I needed something beyond teaching and school. As adorable as all of my students were, I needed to be learning and growing outside of my profession. I needed something to stretch the non-teacher part of me.
I began looking into classes that I could take that had nothing to do with the education field. I narrowed it down to a few different options (including piano and ballet) but in the end I decided that a photography class was exactly what I was looking for. I have always loved photography, and took a class back in high school, but there is only so much that you can do with a point and shoot. So I put my cute little pink Sony aside . . .
So much of my life has been filled with learning, and striving to reach a goal. Many of these goals were academic. I worked my way through high school, and then college to get my high school/associates/bachelor's degree. I was constantly working to achieve that next step in life. There was also the learning that came in a non-academic setting, for example, as a missionary in Brazil. For a year and a half I spent all my time striving to learn a new language, a new culture, and ways to share the gospel. I love the feeling of learning, of gaining a deeper understanding for new subjects, of progressing.
Then I graduated.
Suddenly I was in a phase of life that no one had prepared me for. I felt a little lost. I was done with school, I had my first real job. I threw all of my time and energy into my little classroom and teaching because I didn't know where else to put it. My entire life was focused around 1st grade, and it was exhausting. I was always crazy busy, (aren't we all?) but even with all that I was doing, I felt like I stopped progressing. I knew that I was learning a ton every day, but what was I working towards?
Most of all, I began to wonder where Katie-the-Teacher ended, and Katie-the-Person started. I went through a little bit of an identity crisis as I realized I wasn't sure I knew who I really was (sometimes I think that I think too much).
Around January I realized that I was burnt out. I needed something beyond teaching and school. As adorable as all of my students were, I needed to be learning and growing outside of my profession. I needed something to stretch the non-teacher part of me.
I began looking into classes that I could take that had nothing to do with the education field. I narrowed it down to a few different options (including piano and ballet) but in the end I decided that a photography class was exactly what I was looking for. I have always loved photography, and took a class back in high school, but there is only so much that you can do with a point and shoot. So I put my cute little pink Sony aside . . .
took a deep breath, and invested in this:
My first real camera, who I named Camy (yep, I'm a nerd, and really creative). I love it! It is so complex and confusing, and so much fun. Though it still scares me to use an expensive camera, I love the challenge that it presents, and all the things that it allows me to learn.
Tonight was my first photography class. I finally turned Camy off of the automatic setting and started to learn how to set it manually (I also learned how to change the lens ;-). It felt so good to be in a class again, to be a student and learn something that is completely new. As silly as it sounds, it was liberating. Just one step closer to figuring out who Katie-the-Person really is.
Tonight was my first photography class. I finally turned Camy off of the automatic setting and started to learn how to set it manually (I also learned how to change the lens ;-). It felt so good to be in a class again, to be a student and learn something that is completely new. As silly as it sounds, it was liberating. Just one step closer to figuring out who Katie-the-Person really is.
9 comments:
I hear you. I think I think about this too much too. (that's the weirdest sentence I've ever written.)
Stretching your talents totally helps in finding your identity AND improving your self esteem. I'm so excited for your photo class! (and your sexy new camera).
I'm so excited for you to have something so new and fun to work towards! Sounds like your first class was productive and you learned some important things... I hope you continue to enjoy doing something so fun just for you. :)
Good for you! I'm excited you finally bought it. It's beautiful! :)
I'm still so jealous. Liz-the-mom would LOVE one of those cameras... and to take a photography class but don't have the income necessary to make that all happen. So you better enjoy it for me, and then teach me someday when I can actually afford a camera of my own. :)
Oh you will never regret that camera purchase! That's the same one I have and I LOVE it!!! So fun! I wish I had more time to learn more about photography...it's my passion too!
That's awesome!! Go Katie!
And as far as "finding yourself," I have to wonder sometimes if that ever really ends. I have been in that phase too since graduating but I know that even my older brothers have similar thoughts.
I was recently watching Marley and Me and there is a part where Jennifer Aniston, after a career as a journalist, decides to be a stay-at-home mom. Then she has an identity crisis of sorts as she tries to find herself in a time of life without a career. I know that's just a movie, but it really struck me. The things that we believe we are now may change in 5, 10, 20 years. So I think it's always important to find a way to adapt even in confusing, mixed up times.
Good for you! I would love to learn how to take really good photos. I know exactly what you mean about teaching consuming your life. When I get home I'm too tired to have a life. I'm trying to rectify that, but it is difficult.
I totally understand. There's only SOOO much you can give to your students. You need time for you too! I think taking a class is a GREAT idea! Photography will be so fun and "camy" looks like a SWEET camera! Have fun and good luck! :)
Post grad is a scary place to be. We're a little nervous about it. I think taking some classes is a fantastic idea and I'm completely envious of your new camera. I have a Canon but it's only a point and shoot. I love it but would love to learn how to work a DSLR someday. I hope you enjoy your class. How exciting!
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